Monday, January 03, 2011


You know as well as I do that air travel is a form of punishment levied on Americans as a tax for living in the first world with nary a real care in the world, right?

This Christmas, Babe and I tempted fate by taking our infant from this coast, to Denver, to the west coast and back again. Let me tell you how it went.

The good
  • We rolled out of NYC before the blizzard was even on the radar. It was dry and 40 degrees in NYC on 12/24. We got to Denver and there wasn't even snow on the ground. We missed all the rain in San Diego. We left San Diego on a dry day and arrived in NYC on a day with no snow.
  • Two times I had been assigned a window and a middle seat despite having chosen an aisle and a middle. Two times the person sitting in the aisle seat cheerfully traded with me so I could get up and down as needed with the buddy.
  • Princess almost never cried at all during any of those flights. She ate, she slept, she partied.
The Bad
  • We took a car service to LaGuardia on December 24th at noon. Our flight was leaving a couple hours later. There was no one at the airport and we journeyed around with ease. I'll tell you what, though. When I tried to check in at home, the gosh darn computer kept saying I didn't have any seats, when I definitely had an email saying my seats were 21D and E, or whatever. So, at LGA, I talked with a United representative at the ticket kiosk who said I couldn't have my seats. I asked him again in a really nice way and showed him the email on my smart phone and he said he couldn't read the email because it was too small. So I asked him to ask someone else to read the email. He had someone else read it but didn't believe the person when they told him that yes, it said I had seats. We talked about it for a while. Long story short, he said no I couldn't have my seats. I asked to talk to his supervisor. He talked with his supervisor and reported to me that I couldn't have my seats. I asked him to send his supervisor over, handing him a candy cane as I did so. Bruce the supervisor came over, said I couldn't have my seats. I showed Bruce my smart phone. He gave me my seats.
The Ugly
  • We got to Denver International Airport on December 28th at 7am for an 8:35 am flight. We were unable to check in online because of the Infant in Lap. We got into a line of about 500 people and then through a security line of about 5000 people. We got to the security line at 7:55. We got to our gate at 8:25. The plane left at 8:35. It was ugly, but we did it.

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