Monday, May 10, 2010

Clash of the Titans

Numbers is going to have to wait, people.

I have to tell you about what happened this morning in my bathroom.

See, I live in Brooklyn, you guys. I do not live in nature, I do not live where the wild things are. I live in a concrete structure with very few portals to the outside world.

So why is it that there happened to be a centipede on Babe's towel this morning as I was getting out of the shower. Do you know what a centipede looks like? Here, click this link. UM OR DON'T if you DON'T WANT TO SEE ONE.

If you know me, you know I fear bugs. I am practically phobic. When I was in college I purposely took an entomology course so I could get rid of my fear of insects. It didn't help.

What was I to do? If I don't kill the centipede, by the time I get home I would be RIDDLED with doubt - it could be ANYWHERE. In my breakfast cereal, in my bed, on the ceiling waiting to fall IN MY HAIR.

So, I screamed, left the bathroom, started to get ready for work, grabbed a wad of paper towels and went back in the bano determined to kill this gargantuan creature.

It moved. While I was plotting my attack. I screamed. Grabbed the bug with the paper towels and threw it towards the trash can. Where it fell out of the paper towels, and dragged its half broken body into hiding.

I ran my eight month pregnant body out of the bathroom.

Breathed. Plotted.

Went back into the bathroom, determined this time. I saw it. There, only half a centipede now. A fiftypede running along side the toilet. I picked up my weapon, my paper towel, and literally yelled:

I AM GOING TO GET YOU MOTHER F*CKER!!! And squashed the centipede and threw it away.

Then I put my hair product in, ate my cereal and went to work.


Randi said...

Get down with your bad self, Terminator! I totally dry heaved halfway through this story of epic bravery.

Ang said...

Go dude! Haha!

Jessica said...

I let centipedes live. They feast on termites, cockroaches, earwigs, and spiders. They do, however, love hiding in bedclothes, and when they bite, they leave oozing sores that refuse to scab or heal for weeks.

Happy Monday :)